Why can't we dress decently - like the Germans?

The original Dad's Army. Just wait till Zeta Jones pops up...

Dad's Army, the age-old British comedy about a bunch of grampas trying to stop Hitler invade Britain, is being refilmed by the makers of "Mr Bean's Holiday". To sex it up, the remake will feature Catherine Zeta Jones, who falls in love with a German spy at a British seaside resort.

How romantic - Hitler, Nazi spies, and granddads getting off on the beach with Bond girls: England 1 - Germany 0. No wonder we're still teasing Germans with war comedies. We simply can't leave this whole "beating-the-Germans" thing alone. Germany, after all, beats us at almost everything else. And nowhere more so than in the way we dress.

Remember all the hullabaloo a few years back about PJ Mums? You know, mothers who drop their kids off at school and then go shopping - while still in their pyjamas. It's such an issue in Britain today that Tesco supermarkets have been forced to introduce a dress code banning customers from shopping in pyjamas.

It's snowing, but hey who needs a coat? 
 Saturday nights in Britain.

But even when we get it right and wear "proper" street gear, we're still not smart. We tend to underdress - all year round. Walk through any British town on a Friday or Saturday night, and you'll see crowds of young girls hurrying through the cold in "navel gazers" - garments that only go half way down their chests. The skimpy shorts and skirts covering a tiny bit more of their shivering bodies might look hot on Miami Beach but not in the centre of Birmingham on a winter's night.

Please don't get me wrong. Of course we can dress properly when we want to. At weddings, funerals, Wimbledon, and just about any event involving the word "Royal". Watch the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace, or any movie starring Hugh Grant, and you'll see what I mean. We're just not very good at dressing smartly for everyday things, that's all.

Of course we can dress smart -
if we want.

Not so the Germans. Whether they're on holiday, at parties, school or work - even when they just pop out for a bottle of milk - they always dress decently.

Watching Germans at recent beer festivals reminded me how Germans can also provide the demeanour to match their sensible sense of dress. They can drink, drink, drink, yet still be in control. Another nice challenge for Brits too.

The student you're calling in class is not available - they're too busy texting

       

Hello, hello....?

A recent survey asked young people what made them most happy. Their most popular “happy maker”, just after sleeping, shopping and snacking, is receiving a text message from close friends. 

Problem is, texting can also be a “pain in the neck” (“unausstehlich”). Quite literally. It causes “text neck” – pain not only in the neck but also back, arms, and shoulders.

Adolescents, plenty freetime time on their hands, send up to 100 messages a day. Clearly they don't just text during their freetime. The other day I noticed a student, head and shoulders bowed much lower than healthily normal, staring mesmerised at something under the desk, as if in a state of trance. Briefly I considered intervening, checking for signs of life, possibly organising first aid. Until I realised what was going on, of course.

How can you seriously concentrate on what the teacher's saying if you're busy texting or tweeting about the Next Great Social Event? Better not ask pupils which is more important – we might just get an honest answer.